


Somehow I Miss Box Socials

by Zaniida



Series: Zaniida's Birthday Requests [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awkwardness, Banter, Charity Auctions, Comedy, Crossdressing, More tags later, also they all agreed to do this, even if they may not like the details, playing this by ear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:09:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25990351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida
Summary: To raise money for charity, the Avengers engage in a little dress-up and get auctioned off for the evening.This is my MCU offering for this year'sBirthday Prompt: Nonsexual Genderbending!  Anything that plays with gender in any fashion (other than the most common/obvious one), that's what I'd like for my birthday.  Fics, fan art, and other media most welcome!ETA: Now I feel a little weird about thetimingof this fic, because the day after I posted it,Chi Chi DeVayne(apparently a well-known drag queen) died.  But perhaps it's a good time to call attention to gender-transformative art in general, I dunno.  And while I'm familiar with RuPaul, I don't know much else about drag queen culture, so I still hope I'm not stepping on too many toes here.(My POI prompt is coming along, just slower than I'd hoped; same prompt, different fandom, different scenario entirely, but it's a follow-up withMiss Kittiwake.)
Series: Zaniida's Birthday Requests [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1460173
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Somehow I Miss Box Socials

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to give you less than two weeks, but this is the fastest I could manage it this year. As with previous years, I hope to get at least a couple of quick fics for my birthday (August 31st); the theme this year is **Nonsexual Genderbending**.
> 
> Female All Along or Genderswap (oh noes! that weird alien rock turned Fusco into a girl! ) are obvious enough; also welcome would be crossdressing/drag, trans or intersex or genderqueer (any flavor), cross-gendered clones (or doubles from another dimension), or any AU with a core concept that plays with gender (Omegaverse (aka Alpha/Beta/Omega), Dom/sub verse, etc.).
> 
> _(Technically, I wouldn't be too put off by fics that included sexuality, it's just not my preference.)_
> 
> The point of the short timeframe is, as always, to encourage small, containable fics, rather than giant sprawling masterpieces. Y'know, so they don't add to that pile of fics you're already writing (oh do I understand this problem).
> 
> Some challenge forms you could try, to keep this nice and short:
> 
> Pagefic
>     I find this the easiest challenge form: Fill up a page with words. If you write more than a page, go find something to condense or cut out. If you write less than a page, go find something to expand. (Don't get rid of all the white space, but generally fill the page with exactly as many words as will fit it.)
> Drabbles
>     A Drabble is 100 words exactly; a Double Drabble is 200, a Triple Drabble 300, a Pentadrabble 500, a Half-Drabble 50, etc.
>     (Some people use the word "drabble" to mean "a short fic" (I've seen it for fics over 1000 words), but we have plenty of words for that. I like "ficlet" myself.)
> Three-Sentence Fic
>     Three sentences, no more and no fewer. As simple or complicated as you like.
> Five Moments of (Nonsexual) Intimacy
>     Write five short scenes, one for each category of intimacy: Physical/Sensual, Emotional, Experiential, Secret Sharing, and Vulnerability/Acceptance. More details [here](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/1439153).
> 
> So figure out something that you could complete in under a week, and post it on (or shortly before) my birthday. I hope to wake up to some nice presents!
> 
> In the meantime, let's see what our Avengers team is up to!

With five minutes to showtime, the five of them were dolled up and Clint was flitting about, eyeing each costume and making adjustments where necessary.

“I’ve never cared to be a spectacle,” Steve groused, looking away as Clint tugged at his sparkly blue blouse. A wide strip of skin ran down through the middle of his trademark star.

“Be glad you didn’t grow up in the circus,” Clint offered as he worked.

“At least _you’re_ mostly covered,” Bruce groused, crossing his arms uncomfortably. “I feel more naked with this bikini top than I do when I wake up… after an episode.”

“Well, the time to critique the outfits was”—Tony glanced at his phone—“oh, about thirty-six hours ago. Not my fault you were hiding out in your lab; I gave you a timetable back in _June_.”

“Did you just give me _cleavage_?” Steve hissed at Clint, his voice dropping on the final word.

“Just a hint.” Clint grinned as he surveyed his handiwork. “It’s all in how you work the padding.”

“C’mon, Cap, smile!” Tony said cheerily, looking himself over in the floor-length mirror and stretching luxuriously. “A little skin’s not so immodest these days, and besides, it’s for charity!”

“Do you honestly think I’d be doing this if it weren’t in support of a charitable cause?”

“Knowing this team, I think it’s safe to assume that _none_ of us would be dressed like this _in public_ if it weren’t about to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars to support the vulnerable.” Tony bounced on his toes, the motion going straight to his overly perky (and overly expensive) fake breasts. “But that’s what this is tonight: We’re being vulnerable, and we’re gonna grin and play along until the crowd’s had its fill and we can all slink back to the safety of home.”

“Indeed, my friends!” Thor boomed, clapping Steve’s shoulder, “tonight shall be an event to feed the bawdy campfire tales of our grandchildren’s grandchildren! Already I have seen us bandied about on the Twitter; many have bewailed their circumstances in being unable to attend.”

“And the photos are going to be up across the world as soon as we step out on stage,” Bruce muttered morosely.

Thor’s grin grew wider. “Why Banner, can this be your first time donning a womanly guise?”

Steve frowned at Thor. “It’s not yours?”

“Oho, my dear friends! Tomorrow I shall treat you to an epic tale of a weapon misplaced, a giant most brazen, and two brothers who coyly beguiled him with the hope of nuptial bliss hidden beneath their veils. Indeed, though on that occasion I found it hard to contain my outrage, do I yet look back fondly on the prank we played and how we retrieved my beloved Mjolnir.”

The room had gone silent, with every eye turned on Thor.

The first to break the silence was Tony. “Do you mean to tell me, you and Loki… tricked a giant who’d stolen your hammer… by dressing up as brides and offering to _marry_ him?” His voice came out somewhat strained at the end.

Bruce scrubbed at his temples. “Now _there’s_ an image I’m not gonna be able to get out of my brain. And to think I’d forgotten that myth.”

“Aaand here we go,” Clint called as the band started up and the crowd switched from murmurs to cheers.

* * *

_“Joining us here tonight from another dimension, just to kick off the festivities… the Avengers!”_

The brilliantly multicolored crowd roared, and Steve stopped peeking out of the curtain to shoot a look back at his companions.

Tony shrugged. “Just give ’em a wave, show off your stuff, and move off to the side. If the spotlight needs stealing, you know who to call.”

_“Frozen in ice for seventy years, newly introduced to the modern world and already reminding us of good old hometown values: Eve Rogers!”_

As Steve pushed through the curtain, he almost wished he were there to punch out Hitler again. But despite the embarrassment, he thrust out his bewomaned chest, flipped the blonde curls over his shoulder, and batted his eyes at the crowd before hiding shyly behind the heart-shaped shield that Tony had whipped up to complete the outfit.

Clint wasn’t the only one who’d picked up a few tricks.

“Doin’ fine, Cap,” Tony murmured over his earpiece; he was watching the backstage monitor, seeing from the crowd’s point of view. “Off to the right—oh, sorry, that’d be your _left_.”

Steve’s legs felt unpleasantly bare under the pleated skirt, but at least it was almost to his knees—unlike the miniskirt that Tony was sporting.

 _“Our very own_ truly _mad scientist, whose quest for answers turned her into a verdant mountain of voluptuous beauty: Ruth Banner!”_

“That is _so_ inaccurate,” Bruce grumbled under his breath, and cringed as he stepped through the curtain, forcing himself to stand a little straighter and show off his deep purple bikini top and flowing culottes.

Clint chuckled. “I’m glad he’s got a handle on his temper. Thought he was gonna kill you over the wig.”

“Well, _part_ of him’s gotta be green, right?”

_“Barely a teen when she left home to join the circus, now she’s a master acrobat who never misses a shot: Glinda Barton!”_

_‘Glinda’?_ Tony mouthed as Clint strode out onstage and shot out two giant balloons, showering the crowd with purple and black confetti before pirouetting on his bespangled comma heels, sticking out one hip, and blowing the crowd a kiss.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Show-off.”

“Did you not think to try the elevated shoes?” Thor asked. “I would have thought you’d both appreciate the increased height.”

“I’m perfectly happy with my height,” Tony sniped back. “Besides, twinkle-toes is the one used to balancing on narrow ledges, not me.” Then he sighed. “Honestly, I’m a little jealous that he can pull off the sleeveless catsuit look.”

_“Hailing from the golden realm of Asgard, the fearless warrior who will one day claim the throne: Thor Odinsdottir!”_

With a mighty bellow, Thor rushed through the curtain and whirled his fake hammer around, lifting it high to signal the lighting crew; the lights went dark for a moment as a bolt of fake lightning hit the hammer and the crowd went wild.

“Not bad,” Tony murmured. They’d had to practice that move for the better part of two days before Thor had managed to reliably suppress his powers and stop lighting the stage on fire.

Unlike Tony, who had decided to shave off his trademark goatee, Thor had kept his beard, and had merely braided up his lengthy locks with a little extra decoration, evoking the feel of the Vikings of old. He’d painted his face like a Valkyrie, and had worked with Tony to create a female version of his typical armor—not, to Tony’s disappointment, a sexy outfit, but rather a functional set of armor that covered all the vital organs (while allowing for ample breasts). But at least he’d accepted a sexy helmet.

_“And for our final guest: You’ve watched her transform Stark Industries from the leading manufacturer of high-powered weaponry to the forerunner of era-shifting technological improvements, up to and including the first consumer-priced household AI butler, scheduled to release early next year. Say hello to our foremost sponsor… Tonya Stark!!”_

To no one’s surprise, Tony had gone all out with his costume: an ostentatiously low-cut top with a flattering miniskirt, professional makeup and a nearly floor-length black ponytail with strands of golden amber and red garnets woven in eye-catching patterns. (If the showy golden bracers were capable of summoning his armor, well, no one had to know; Mjolnir, too, was backstage in case anyone tried to crash the party, as was Cap’s real shield—and Clint’s bow of choice, despite its showy design, was nearly as capable as his regular gear.)

_“Up for auction: an evening with each of these fine ladies. No hanky-panky, now! Proceeds go to FORGE, a national transgender anti-violence organization that supports survivors of sexual assault, domestic and dating violence, as well as providing guidelines and training for victim service professionals working with marginalized populations. Bidding will start at the stroke of the hour. Five… four… three… two… one… **go!** ”_

**Author's Note:**

>  _Hope the charity I chose is a good one; I didn't have time to do much research tonight, but it showed up on several lists and I can totally get behind the work they seem to be doing_.
> 
> Y'know, back in square dancing, they had a cross-role dance -- I forget the wording exactly, but the guys dressed up in the most ridiculous female costumes (I remember mops for heads, and balloon breasts), while the gals dressed up as guys. And since square dancing is such a gender-specific dance, they sure had a hard time working out the steps! But it was one of my fondest memories from that era of my life. Just so much fun watching them ^_^
> 
> (I mentioned this to my mom last night, and she recalls the dance fondly as well. But when I tried to compare it to a key moment from _Mulan_ , turns out she doesn't recall that part of the movie -- where Mulan's three guy friends dress up as courtesans to trick the Hun guards. We may need to catch up on some Disney films.)
> 
>  _Mulan_ played the cross-gender elements for both laughs and drama, and that last section was an extension/inversion/reversal of the earlier sequence where Mulan had to prove herself equal to the male soldiers ( _I'll Make a Man out of You_ ). I think it worked very well, especially with Mulan with the role of the leader for that section. (Also, for context, when I first saw the commercials for Mulan I had no idea that the line "Have they sent me daughters when I asked for sons?" was meant to be a slam against weak "girly" men, as opposed to a statement of fact.)
> 
> But these days, I don't exactly know where the boundaries are, once you combine cross-gendered clothing and comedy. And I'm not great at comedy to begin with. I don't mean for the comedic element here to be "haha, look at those silly boys, they're not supposed to dress like girls!" I don't mean for it to be (exclusively) "haha, let's embarrass these guys by forcing them to wear clothes that make them uncomfortable!"
> 
> On the other hand, I can't imagine that 100% of the team would be fine with this (especially in public and across social media -- although they are already in the news, so it's not like they have the same perception of privacy as non-celebrities do). And I think some of the awkwardness plays to a sort of subtext of how presenting yourself to the world as the gender you are not is inherently uncomfortable (for most of us), which is an issue that many people have to deal with in the real world for reasons other than a charity event, and an issue they can't leave behind them after just a single night's embarrassment. It'd be nice if nobody had to go through that, but if people still have to go through that, then why not spread the awkward around to a few of our favorite fictional characters?
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I'd started another fic that also dealt with gender issues, but in a completely different scenario and with a much more serious tone -- but it was not coming along as quickly as I'd hoped, and I wanted to get the prompt out faster. Hence this piece. I got the idea just yesterday, and wrote this in the space of a few hours, and I'm playing a lot of it by ear, although I do have an idea of where I want part of it to go.
> 
> If you have any suggestions of who might bid on these guys and why, toss 'em in the comments section! Who knows, it might end up in the fic. Bear in mind that this is only for one evening -- basically a date -- not the start of any longer relationship, but unusual requests are possible within that timeframe. Also, I'm open to including any characters in the MCU who might reasonably have access to a lot of money, but I'm also willing to pull in characters from the broader Marvel Comics universe, and anyone who might be able to _fake_ having money long enough to win the auction. But this isn't going to turn into some long-winded shenanigans fic (I hope); I'm aiming at 2-3 chapters max, with just implications of what might happen after that.
> 
> P.S. Would love to see someone draw the characters as described =^.^=

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Changes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058187) by [tilla123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tilla123/pseuds/tilla123)




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